Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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