My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
