I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
3 2 1 whiskey
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize