What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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