I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
