another moral hangover. fuck.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
