how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
