Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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