Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
