What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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