That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
