The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
