Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We have started to decorate penises.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
