doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
