Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
