dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
