I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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