I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
