The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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