I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
