Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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