3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize