Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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