Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
