Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

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  (972): It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old http://tfl.nu/d8tm
  Replies (24) Good night (949) Bad night (5381)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it

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  (781): im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it http://tfl.nu/9c7c
  Replies (14) Good night (4225) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

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  (818): Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales? http://tfl.nu/gvx1
  Replies (30) Good night (6890) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  How are you going to be there by 9am?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Relax I always go to these conferences hung over

  (646): View more from New York

  You say that like it's a positive quality

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  (646): How are you going to be there by 9am? (919): Relax I always go to these conferences hung over (646): You say that like it's a positive quality http://tfl.nu/xfjl
  Replies (12) Good night (5064) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

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  (832): I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY. http://tfl.nu/qe8v
  Replies (24) Good night (4593) Bad night (2090)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?

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  (217): I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high? http://tfl.nu/4i2m
  Replies (23) Good night (2836) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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  (301): Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip. http://tfl.nu/7yby
  Replies (64) Good night (3140) Bad night (5363)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.

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  (319): Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours. http://tfl.nu/m0o9
  Replies (19) Good night (3775) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.

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  (206): The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again. http://tfl.nu/xffh
  Replies (5) Good night (1296) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.

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  (601): Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm. http://tfl.nu/epij
  Replies (7) Good night (1006) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.

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  (219): We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual. http://tfl.nu/rrmi
  Replies (4) Good night (1771) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  No.

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  (314): I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha (1-314): No. http://tfl.nu/xsjk
  Replies (4) Good night (683) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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  (623): My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today. http://tfl.nu/qhq3
  Replies (16) Good night (449) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.

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  (815): I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance. http://tfl.nu/4mcu
  Replies (7) Good night (1376) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Great news. Our sex broke my otter box

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  (709): Great news. Our sex broke my otter box http://tfl.nu/dqxv
  Replies (3) Good night (716) Bad night (265)

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