Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..