I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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