there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."