cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.