Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies