Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.

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(225): Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over. http://tfl.nu/jb0a

Replies (16) Good night (2951) Bad night (820)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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(402): Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later. http://tfl.nu/06o9

Replies (42) Good night (6104) Bad night (751)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.

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(651): you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career. http://tfl.nu/bzxx

Replies (15) Good night (957) Bad night (3547)
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(404): View more from Georgia

You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.

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(404): You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense. http://tfl.nu/zmp3

Replies (12) Good night (5966) Bad night (764)
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(845): View more from New York

I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.

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(845): I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt. http://tfl.nu/j6pk

Replies (9) Good night (713) Bad night (2592)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

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(203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f

Replies (24) Good night (6974) Bad night (1092)
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(714): View more from California

I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going

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(714): I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going http://tfl.nu/ebwx

Replies (6) Good night (1125) Bad night (2740)
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(315): View more from New York

Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun

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(315): Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun http://tfl.nu/t9ze

Replies (20) Good night (1022) Bad night (4903)
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(519): View more from Ontario

you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.

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(519): you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner. http://tfl.nu/pwti

Replies (7) Good night (3637) Bad night (843)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket

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(703): I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket http://tfl.nu/mrk6

Replies (11) Good night (1558) Bad night (3241)
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(785): View more from Kansas

You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever

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(785): You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever http://tfl.nu/34h5

Replies (2) Good night (1405) Bad night (592)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool

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(778): He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool http://tfl.nu/x8lz

Replies (5) Good night (1252) Bad night (536)
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(618): View more from Illinois

After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...

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(618): After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical... http://tfl.nu/b9b8

Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (399)
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(269): View more from Michigan

Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.

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(269): Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever. http://tfl.nu/iyut

Replies (2) Good night (499) Bad night (561)
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(614): View more from Ohio

And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit

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(614): And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit http://tfl.nu/5i17

Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (349)

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