I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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