Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
even my farts smell like vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
