Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
