I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
