my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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