8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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