I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
