what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
