The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
