Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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