Betty ford says i'm here all night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
