stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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