you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
