I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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