DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
