is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
