no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
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You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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