I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
