I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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