I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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