we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
