her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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