My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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