every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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