oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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