It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm passing your future prison.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
