Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So much rum. So many feels.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
