pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's always time for handjobs
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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