dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
