I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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