Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
look no pants
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
