I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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