...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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