Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
