Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
